I find it funny, in an ironic sort of way, that the universe doesn't typically give me a heads' up to tell me when the day before me is going to be extraordinary in one way or another.
Take today, for example. Sure, the sun was shining when we woke, but there were no signs that the day would soon sparkle with a light filled with progress, healing and hope. The universe did not give me a clue.
Today is the day that California Governor Jerry Brown signed SB1172 into law, and that is the light I am referring to. Today is the day California became the first state in the nation to ban the practice of reparative therapy on minors, which is basically religious quackery designed to try to change the sexual orientation of a child, i.e. make a gay child straight. Healthcare professionals have for decades warned the world of the dangers of this type of therapy, how it can have disastrous results, including suicide, and how it never works, but until now, the world wasn't listening.
So why would I care? Why would I be writing about it? Because our brother, Kirk, was the original "poster boy" for this type of therapy in the 1970's at UCLA via a government funded research program designed to make feminine little boys "straight", and it destroyed his soul. He was spied on, rejected, traumatized, beaten and humiliated simply because he wanted to be himself, because he didn't want to play sports or "rough", and because he wanted to play with my toys instead of his. If affected his entire life, how he perceived himself, what he believed about himself and others. Kirk committed suicide in 2003 at the age of 38.
During therapy (and after), Kirk was punished for doing things that were perceived as "feminine" and rewarded for doing things that were "manly". My parents were blamed, and they were also part of the problem. They were afraid and they were listening to doctors from one of the top medical schools in the country. They were lied to, traumatized, and ignorant. They were a product of their time, and lived in a world where having a child who "might" be gay was truly a horrible thing. They didn't listen to their gut, and they didn't protect their child. Homosexuality was illegal in every state of the nation, and they were afraid for their child, and these doctors preyed on that fear.
The hardest part in all of this is that the doctor who conducted the therapy, Reverend Dr. George Rekers, later admitted to having ulterior motives for the therapy, and they were religiously based. He used his work with Kirk to launch himself as one of the most fervent anti gay activists in the United States for over thirty years. He enjoyed professor emeritus status at more than one university, made hundreds of thousands of dollars as expert witnesses for various states in cases against gay rights, gay adoption, you name it. The damage this man has done is incredible. The worst part, however, is that he used his "work" with my brother as the foundation for everything he did and said about changing people from gay to straight since his work at UCLA, even after my brother identified to another doctor in the study as being gay, even after he said his conflict over the therapy, not being cured, and still being gay caused him to try to kill himself at the age of 17. Even after Kirk died, George Rekers was still writing, speaking and saying gay people can be cured because he cured "Kraig", his patient in 1973. Kraig, you see, was Kirk. Rekers was still preaching and profiting about his "success" with Kraig when he was caught with a male prostitute in May of 2010.
So today, the sun is shining a bit brighter, the day is remarkable, and the light of hope and progress is there. I can see it!
I'm sure so many of you have wondered why we would have come forward and share such a painful story about our family in such a public way. It wasn't fun, it wasn't pleasant and it wasn't easy. It was gut wrenching, life-changing and terrifying to feel so vulnerable and exposed, and to put ourselves and those we love out in public to be judged. However, once we knew what had actually happened to our brother in those therapy rooms so long ago at UCLA, what had actually been done to the core of his soul, it was worse than when we actually lost him to suicide in 2003. It was far worse, because once we knew, we realized why, and that was almost more than we could bear. We knew his story had to be told, even at the expense of our own "comfortable" lives, in the hopes that people would wake up and realize that the soul crushing things that had been done to him are still being done to children today, and he deserved to have us acknowledge what he endured, what was done, and how it affected his entire life.
Our dream was that reparative therapy would be banned, but it seemed impossible. Today, however, that dream became a reality, even if only in California, and it means that youth that identify as #LGBT have a layer of protection, in a world where they often have very little. Our goal must be that this law spread to every state in the union and beyond.
Thank you to governor Jerry Brown, for signing the law and making it official. Thank you to Senator Ted Lieu for authoring the bill, and for telling Kirk's story to the California senate. Thank you to young men like Ryan Kendall, who lived the same nightmare Kirk did, but lived to tell about it. Thank you to journalists like Brandon Thorp, Penn Bullock, Jim Burroway, Randy Kaye and Anderson Cooper for telling Kirk's story and making the world aware and helping make this topic mainstream (as well as the wonderful team behind the scenes at CNN). Thank you to the hundreds of thousands of you who wrote to the California governor asking / demanding that he sign this bill.
Today is truly a day in which I feel that Kirk's life not only lives on, but that his life has now been used for good, to help save the lives of kids "just like him", instead of being used to torture, hurt and harm kids "just like him".
If you are new to this story and would like to "catch up", please use the videos and links below. You can also simply google "sissy boy experiment" and find hundreds of articles and posts on Kirk's story.
Links can be found here:
What Are Little Boys Made Of - Box Turtle Bulletin
Sissy Boy Experiment on AC 360 Part 1:
Sissy Boy Experiment on AC 360 Part 2:
Sissy Boy Experiment on AC 360 Part 3:
Sissy Boy Experiment on AC 360 Part 4:
My interview with Dan Barreiro on @KFAN is also available to listen to.
P.S. And just in case you are wondering, I will be voting NO regarding the shameful marriage amendment here in Minnesota. To quote Jesse Ventura, "love is bigger than any government ought to be".
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Showing posts with label Kirk Andrew Murphy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kirk Andrew Murphy. Show all posts
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Maris Ehlers to Speak Locally About Teen Suicide in Buffalo, Minnesota | Maris Ehlers Photography
CNN was nothing. Preparing to face a room full of teenagers to talk about the loss and recovery after the suicide of a loved one? Daunting indeed, but must be done.
Below is the flyer copy for a talk I will be giving at Spirit of Joy Lutheran Church in Buffalo, Minnesota, on February 15th (6:30 p.m.). Many thank you's to Beth Hane for inviting me.
If you have lost someone to suicide and are struggling with the reality
of it,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Local photographer Maris Ehlers lost her brother Kirk to
suicide in 2003, and it forever changed her life. Kirk’s story has been seen on CNN’s Anderson
Cooper 360 and written about on many websites and blogs, and Maris’ goal is to
keep Kirk’s legacy alive by reaching out to others affected by the loss of
suicide. Regardless of the reason.
Join Maris at Spirit of Joy Lutheran Church on Wednesday,
February 15th, at 6:30 p.m.
as she talks about grieving, why youth are at risk, bridging the gap between
parents and teens, and what kids NEED to know about their peers.
Maris will share how her own journey has strengthened her
faith in God and her resolve for change.
“Talking about suicide does not cause them to happen.
Not talking about it surely does.”
Suicide is never the answer:
If you are feeling hopeless, please call: 1-800-273-TALK
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Human Rights Are Gay Rights Tribe | Maris Ehlers Photography
This week, my time at the Seth Godin Medicine Ball workshop has been an amazing experience. I doubt I'll be able to shut my brain off for quite some time.
The timing of this trip isn't lost on me, either. Almost a year ago to the day I was in NYC with my brother, Mark, to tell our brother Kirk's story, one that has sadly affected the lives of far too many children and adults over the past 35 plus years. His life was used to do it.
After weeks of preparation and phone interviews, we told this story in gut wrenching detail over several hours in a dark, yet intensely lit room to Anderson Cooper of CNN, knowing that our lives would never be the same, knowing that once we knew, we had to do it.
We told this story with a mixture of fear, conviction, resolve and angst. We didn't do it for fun, we didn't do it for notoriety. We knew that while there would be many people out there who shared the same world view, that human rights come before any other biases and beliefs, we also knew we were REALLY putting ourselves out there, throwing ourselves in front of the bus, if you will, to tell a true and powerful story to the people who wanted / needed to hear it, and to make a difference in the world if we could.
After the interviews were over, we then unexpectedly waited another six months for the story to break. It broke at the right time.
On my son's 8th birthday, the story began to unfold in a series of daily segments on Box Turtle Bulletin and CNN, and in the national media, right before our very eyes. It was an insane month or two, but I am grateful for every moment: every email, every phone call, every tweet, facebook post and comment. Yes, every single one. And they still come.
What we found is exactly what Seth believes happens when powerful stories are told (although I didn't know it at the time). That tribes of people with the same world views are born, identified, strengthened and united.
The fascinating thing is that the tribe that formed wasn't just made up of the people I thought it would be, LGBT people. The tribe that forned was such an amazing cross section of people: gay, straight, married, single, conservative, liberal, Christian, athiest, young, old, men and women. And they joined from all over the world. From places you wouldn't expect.
How were they united? What was and is their world view? There are two that this tribe shares:
1. That you are who you are, and no one should be allowed to force you to change.
2. That like in Hilary Clinton's human rights speech from this week, gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights (BTW, you do not have to be liberal to agree with this statement).
Is this story making a difference? Yes, it is.
It has made a difference to the many people who wrote and shared tragic stories of their own childhoods. Stories that echoed Kirk's. Perhaps not on the scale of what was started at UCLA, but familiar nonetheless.
It has made a difference to the youth who finally understand that the people who are trying to change them are the ones with the problem. NOT them.
It has made a difference to the people with enough grace and courage to share that Kirk's story reached them in a way that will change the way they treat people who are different in their lives. That they now truly do know better and will do better.
And it made a difference to the college student in September, who upon hearing me speak about suicide awareness on her campus, immediately sought help from teachers because she had been seriously contemplating suicide.
Seth told our group that if you enjoy the process of bringing about change by shaking things up, by rattling the tree, then do it and do it loudly. But if the results are what is important, than you must have a different approach, one that brings people together, one that guides them along a path, not divides them further.
As we approach the 8th Anniversary of Kirk's death this month, and we try to continue to make a difference in the world, this is a good distinction for us to make. Because the stakes are THAT high.
The full series of video segments from AC360 (over a four night period) are here:
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 1
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 2
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 3
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 4
For a complete investigation (with many more details, research and in-depth interviews), please visit Box Turtle Bulletin. The investigation is called "What Are Little Boys Made Of?" by Jim Burroway. Jim did an excellent job in capturing and providing context of the story, something that TV can rarely do.
The timing of this trip isn't lost on me, either. Almost a year ago to the day I was in NYC with my brother, Mark, to tell our brother Kirk's story, one that has sadly affected the lives of far too many children and adults over the past 35 plus years. His life was used to do it.
After weeks of preparation and phone interviews, we told this story in gut wrenching detail over several hours in a dark, yet intensely lit room to Anderson Cooper of CNN, knowing that our lives would never be the same, knowing that once we knew, we had to do it.
We told this story with a mixture of fear, conviction, resolve and angst. We didn't do it for fun, we didn't do it for notoriety. We knew that while there would be many people out there who shared the same world view, that human rights come before any other biases and beliefs, we also knew we were REALLY putting ourselves out there, throwing ourselves in front of the bus, if you will, to tell a true and powerful story to the people who wanted / needed to hear it, and to make a difference in the world if we could.
After the interviews were over, we then unexpectedly waited another six months for the story to break. It broke at the right time.
On my son's 8th birthday, the story began to unfold in a series of daily segments on Box Turtle Bulletin and CNN, and in the national media, right before our very eyes. It was an insane month or two, but I am grateful for every moment: every email, every phone call, every tweet, facebook post and comment. Yes, every single one. And they still come.
What we found is exactly what Seth believes happens when powerful stories are told (although I didn't know it at the time). That tribes of people with the same world views are born, identified, strengthened and united.
The fascinating thing is that the tribe that formed wasn't just made up of the people I thought it would be, LGBT people. The tribe that forned was such an amazing cross section of people: gay, straight, married, single, conservative, liberal, Christian, athiest, young, old, men and women. And they joined from all over the world. From places you wouldn't expect.
How were they united? What was and is their world view? There are two that this tribe shares:
1. That you are who you are, and no one should be allowed to force you to change.
2. That like in Hilary Clinton's human rights speech from this week, gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights (BTW, you do not have to be liberal to agree with this statement).
Is this story making a difference? Yes, it is.
It has made a difference to the many people who wrote and shared tragic stories of their own childhoods. Stories that echoed Kirk's. Perhaps not on the scale of what was started at UCLA, but familiar nonetheless.
It has made a difference to the youth who finally understand that the people who are trying to change them are the ones with the problem. NOT them.
It has made a difference to the people with enough grace and courage to share that Kirk's story reached them in a way that will change the way they treat people who are different in their lives. That they now truly do know better and will do better.
And it made a difference to the college student in September, who upon hearing me speak about suicide awareness on her campus, immediately sought help from teachers because she had been seriously contemplating suicide.
Seth told our group that if you enjoy the process of bringing about change by shaking things up, by rattling the tree, then do it and do it loudly. But if the results are what is important, than you must have a different approach, one that brings people together, one that guides them along a path, not divides them further.
As we approach the 8th Anniversary of Kirk's death this month, and we try to continue to make a difference in the world, this is a good distinction for us to make. Because the stakes are THAT high.
The full series of video segments from AC360 (over a four night period) are here:
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 1
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 2
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 3
The Sissy Boy Experiment Segment 4
For a complete investigation (with many more details, research and in-depth interviews), please visit Box Turtle Bulletin. The investigation is called "What Are Little Boys Made Of?" by Jim Burroway. Jim did an excellent job in capturing and providing context of the story, something that TV can rarely do.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Send a Picture. Help Save a Life. | Are you a Suicide Survivor? | Maris Ehlers Photography
Next week I will be giving a talk at Eastern Connecticut State University to a group of students and faculty members as part of the planned activities for the school's suicide awareness month.
I will be sharing the story of our brother, Kirk Andrew Murphy. I will be talking about the "Sissy Boy Experiment" at UCLA, Kirk's unwitting role in this "research", how it has shaped our country's perceptions about diversity, and how it affected his life in the most ultimate of ways: with his death by suicide.
The goal in speaking out is to help people understand that suicide can be prevented and lives can be saved.
I will not be speaking about suicide awareness and prevention from the perspective of a medical professional. I will not be talking about the latest treatments or therapies. There are many people who are immensely qualified in that regard, and I am not one of them.
I will, however, be speaking from the perspective of a suicide survivor, because if there is one thing I have learned on this journey, when you lose someone you love to suicide, you then must learn to survive it. It is a unique journey of grief.
Beyond telling Kirk's story, I will also be sharing a message of hope, a challenge to those present.
I believe we can help prevent suicide. I believe that together we can save lives. I believe that while modern medicine can and does do its part, we as a community must do ours. Every single one of us.
The challenge? To connect instead of isolate. Accept instead of judge. Support instead of condemn. Lift up instead of tread upon.
If you are a suicide survivor in any way - whether you have struggled with the idea of it now or in the past, or if you have lost someone you love to suicide - and you are willing to share a picture of yourself in a collage to be used in this presentation, I would greatly appreciate it. Pictures may or may not have a first name included (to be determined).
Please email a picture of yourself to contact@marisehlersphotography.com by Monday, September 12th in order to be considered. It doesn't have to be pretty, or professional. It just has to be you. It doesn't matter what you look like. It only matters that you send it. Please include your first name and how/why you are a suicide survivor.
Please send a picture to help save a life.
Thank you.
Maris
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I will be sharing the story of our brother, Kirk Andrew Murphy. I will be talking about the "Sissy Boy Experiment" at UCLA, Kirk's unwitting role in this "research", how it has shaped our country's perceptions about diversity, and how it affected his life in the most ultimate of ways: with his death by suicide.
The goal in speaking out is to help people understand that suicide can be prevented and lives can be saved.
I will not be speaking about suicide awareness and prevention from the perspective of a medical professional. I will not be talking about the latest treatments or therapies. There are many people who are immensely qualified in that regard, and I am not one of them.
I will, however, be speaking from the perspective of a suicide survivor, because if there is one thing I have learned on this journey, when you lose someone you love to suicide, you then must learn to survive it. It is a unique journey of grief.
Beyond telling Kirk's story, I will also be sharing a message of hope, a challenge to those present.
I believe we can help prevent suicide. I believe that together we can save lives. I believe that while modern medicine can and does do its part, we as a community must do ours. Every single one of us.
The challenge? To connect instead of isolate. Accept instead of judge. Support instead of condemn. Lift up instead of tread upon.
If you are a suicide survivor in any way - whether you have struggled with the idea of it now or in the past, or if you have lost someone you love to suicide - and you are willing to share a picture of yourself in a collage to be used in this presentation, I would greatly appreciate it. Pictures may or may not have a first name included (to be determined).
Please email a picture of yourself to contact@marisehlersphotography.com by Monday, September 12th in order to be considered. It doesn't have to be pretty, or professional. It just has to be you. It doesn't matter what you look like. It only matters that you send it. Please include your first name and how/why you are a suicide survivor.
Please send a picture to help save a life.
Thank you.
Maris
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Thursday, June 23, 2011
Sissy Boy Experiment Interview on KFAN with Dan Barreiro Podcast Link and Listener Comments | Maris Ehlers Photography
Yesterday I did an interview with Dan Barreiro at KFAN AM 1130 here in Minneapolis. Ironically enough, KFAN is a sports radio station, but Dan has been doing indepth interviews on many different topics over the years during his afternoon show, so his audience is used to "leaving the toy department" of sports from time to time.
Here is the podcast if you'd like to listen.
6/22 - Sissy Boy Project: "Maris Ehlers joins the program to discuss The Sissy Boy Project, a new series fro Anderson Cooper on AC 360."
Below are some comments Dan was kind enough to share from his listeners via email. There were negative ones as well, and in fairness I will post whatever KFAN sends along as I can.
KFAN LISTENER COMMENTS:
Dan,
I am not gay and have no comments for your show today, but I just wanted to
say it was one of the most fascinating hours of radio I have heard in a long
time. Keep fighting this fight man. Even though you get emails
from delusional, ignorant idiots saying they hear enough about this liberal
crap in class, everyone needs to hear about this factual, informative,
fascinating interview you just did. Win them over one at a time if you have
to.
Thanks for the excellent radio,
Nate
-----
Dan, If it wasn't for your forays outside of the Toy Department, I wouldn't have become a daily listener six years ago.
I think your last guest was the most compelling I've heard in that time.
Stay strong, Dan --- stay strong.
-----
Dan,
I am one of your biggest long time listeners & rarely miss your show (drive over an hr from home listening to you & listen on internet when I get home). I am a sports fanatic & love your show. I'm also gay & don't fit the stereotype. Your interview today was one of the most compelling things I have ever heard. I relate to being suicidal, trying to change my sexuality when younger (i'm now 46); being in a lot of pain re: my sexuality.
Thank you for doing the tough interviews & controversial topics. I will continue to be one of your biggest fans & you will probably never know how today's interview with the sister whose brother committed suicide (sissy boy therapy) will affect so many people. My tears were plentiful, & you have made the world a better place by enlightening your audience with this very compelling interview.
Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!
-----
That was probably the most outstanding hour of radio you've ever had, Dan. As having a brother who is homosexual, things were different than your guest however. Our family is still together, parents still married, and all is well and accepted. I feel for your guest as things could have been different. But we choose love and acceptance and his life is just fine. I wish your guest the best of luck with her fight.
-----
Dan,
Terrific interview last hour! I'm sure you'll catch a ton of crap from some folks for using 'any' airtime to cover that story, but kudos to you for bringing attention to the issue.
Great job.
Thanks, griz
-----
What a gut wrenching story. Sorry, I didn't quite get the gals name that you were talking to. I wish I could have an hour to talk to her as well. God Loves her, he loved her brother, and he always did, and still does. He also loves his sister today.
Part of the sad part of this story is also the conclusions, that both of the researcher's reached, as well as the wonderful gal, you just got done talking to, and it sounds like you as well, from what I can gather.
Thank You so much for having this on the radio, it was riveting, and again my heart goes out to all involved.
Sincerely,
Greg
-----
Dan,
I am so sorry to hear what had happened with Ms. Ellers brother and the treatment he received.
I love all people but do not love all actions. I do not believe homosexuality is ok. I hear you address this topic often on your show and understand you have a different opinion and you bring it out because it is a polarizing topic and intrigues listeners, which is fine.
This may not be popular in the anything goes and to heck with morality society that we have today.
In short my thoughts are this:
1) God created man and woman in perfection in paradise earth - he also created this union or marriage as how he wished man to live (Man & Woman).
2) Adam & Eve willfully sinned and mankind has progressively drifted away from perfection.
3) The best way I can capsulate my thoughts on homosexuality is as follows:
a. I realize some genuinely have a leaning toward homosexuality.
b. I also know that there are many other leanings we have.
c. Just because we have a leaning does not mean it's ok.
d. It's not a perfect analogy but I liken homosexuality to alcoholism - there can be a leaning, a genetic or learned one.
e. Alcoholism can't be cured but can be managed so that many have LEARNED how to resist or fight against these IMPERFECT traits.
4) Religions who allow or even support homosexuality have made their own adaptation of serving a god because the GOD of the bible puts it clearly this way:
a. 1 Corinthians 6:9 What! Do YOU not know that unrighteous persons will not inherit God's kingdom? Do not be misled. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men, 10 nor thieves, nor greedy persons, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit God's kingdom.
Thank you for listening to my thoughts,
Travis
-----
Dan, one of your best shows ever, even for a sports station. You could have gone with another breakdown of the upcoming Woofies draft, the Twins winning streak, Rubio's press conference, or Adrian Peterson being, well, Adrian Peterson, or other really important story. But, I think all of that has been covered at least 13, 14 times today, so kudos to you.
-----
One of the most compelling stories I've heard in ages. And yes, I am a Christian, Independent, straight guy, and native Minnesotan. A story many other need to hear.
Good job! Haight-Belvedere guy
Dan and Crew,
What a moving, powerful, and informative guest and talk. I commend you, Dan and the crew and station around you for having a story and topic of this nature on your show.
Your guest (forgetting her name) was a eloquent speaker and conversationalist and believe she did a wonderful job telling her story and informing us of her cause.
Thank you for the last hour.
Committed listener,
Katie
-----
Dan. Screw sports. Amazing, amazing hour of radio.
Thanks,
Bryan
-----
Dear Dan,
Thank you for your gentle handling of your guest during the "Sissy Boy"
segment of today's show. I have rarely heard someone with as important, yet
difficult a message to deliver.
Your patience in allowing Maris (sp) to express herself was admirable.
You did well today.
Skip (from Eveleth)
-----
Dan:
Great, great show. Great presence from your guest.
Thank her on behalf of all of us. We should all be so lucky as to have a family member who would represent us that way.
-----
Dan
It's really crazy how there is still legislated bigotry against gays in 2011. How is this even a debate about marriage/rights? How are "gay-corrective" clinics not shut down right now? They are child abuse with or without physical abuse.
Mike D
-----
Dear Dan,
Thank you so much for doing this story.
We were told by a pastor we had to help our gay son "change" or he would live a dark, sad life.
We were told it was a sin to be gay.
It is so important to expose these therapies!
-----
Dan,
The story your guest is telling is very interesting and sad that she lost her brother because of some quack. That being said, is it insensitive of me to think she sounds hot?
Dan in Ramsey
-----
Lots of tweets came in, too. My favorite came from @atnieland:
"@mepinmin .. thank you for your story! Very touching and opened my eyes to some of our world's problems and some of my own as well!"
Full Series of posts about Kirk Murphy and The Sissy Boy Experiment:
In Loving Memory of Kirk Andrew Murphy
The Life and Legacy of Kirk Andrew Murphy as Told by Box Turtle Bulletin and CNN
Kirk Andrew Murphy's Legacy - Day 2
The Legacy of the Pink Dress - Kirk Andrew Murphy's Story
Kirk Murphy's Story - Part 4 - Extended
I am My Brother's Keeper
You Are Who You Are
Happy Father's Day to Our Dad
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Here is the podcast if you'd like to listen.
6/22 - Sissy Boy Project: "Maris Ehlers joins the program to discuss The Sissy Boy Project, a new series fro Anderson Cooper on AC 360."
Below are some comments Dan was kind enough to share from his listeners via email. There were negative ones as well, and in fairness I will post whatever KFAN sends along as I can.
KFAN LISTENER COMMENTS:
Dan,
I am not gay and have no comments for your show today, but I just wanted to
say it was one of the most fascinating hours of radio I have heard in a long
time. Keep fighting this fight man. Even though you get emails
from delusional, ignorant idiots saying they hear enough about this liberal
crap in class, everyone needs to hear about this factual, informative,
fascinating interview you just did. Win them over one at a time if you have
to.
Thanks for the excellent radio,
Nate
-----
Dan, If it wasn't for your forays outside of the Toy Department, I wouldn't have become a daily listener six years ago.
I think your last guest was the most compelling I've heard in that time.
Stay strong, Dan --- stay strong.
-----
Dan,
I am one of your biggest long time listeners & rarely miss your show (drive over an hr from home listening to you & listen on internet when I get home). I am a sports fanatic & love your show. I'm also gay & don't fit the stereotype. Your interview today was one of the most compelling things I have ever heard. I relate to being suicidal, trying to change my sexuality when younger (i'm now 46); being in a lot of pain re: my sexuality.
Thank you for doing the tough interviews & controversial topics. I will continue to be one of your biggest fans & you will probably never know how today's interview with the sister whose brother committed suicide (sissy boy therapy) will affect so many people. My tears were plentiful, & you have made the world a better place by enlightening your audience with this very compelling interview.
Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!
-----
That was probably the most outstanding hour of radio you've ever had, Dan. As having a brother who is homosexual, things were different than your guest however. Our family is still together, parents still married, and all is well and accepted. I feel for your guest as things could have been different. But we choose love and acceptance and his life is just fine. I wish your guest the best of luck with her fight.
-----
Dan,
Terrific interview last hour! I'm sure you'll catch a ton of crap from some folks for using 'any' airtime to cover that story, but kudos to you for bringing attention to the issue.
Great job.
Thanks, griz
-----
What a gut wrenching story. Sorry, I didn't quite get the gals name that you were talking to. I wish I could have an hour to talk to her as well. God Loves her, he loved her brother, and he always did, and still does. He also loves his sister today.
Part of the sad part of this story is also the conclusions, that both of the researcher's reached, as well as the wonderful gal, you just got done talking to, and it sounds like you as well, from what I can gather.
Thank You so much for having this on the radio, it was riveting, and again my heart goes out to all involved.
Sincerely,
Greg
-----
Dan,
I am so sorry to hear what had happened with Ms. Ellers brother and the treatment he received.
I love all people but do not love all actions. I do not believe homosexuality is ok. I hear you address this topic often on your show and understand you have a different opinion and you bring it out because it is a polarizing topic and intrigues listeners, which is fine.
This may not be popular in the anything goes and to heck with morality society that we have today.
In short my thoughts are this:
1) God created man and woman in perfection in paradise earth - he also created this union or marriage as how he wished man to live (Man & Woman).
2) Adam & Eve willfully sinned and mankind has progressively drifted away from perfection.
3) The best way I can capsulate my thoughts on homosexuality is as follows:
a. I realize some genuinely have a leaning toward homosexuality.
b. I also know that there are many other leanings we have.
c. Just because we have a leaning does not mean it's ok.
d. It's not a perfect analogy but I liken homosexuality to alcoholism - there can be a leaning, a genetic or learned one.
e. Alcoholism can't be cured but can be managed so that many have LEARNED how to resist or fight against these IMPERFECT traits.
4) Religions who allow or even support homosexuality have made their own adaptation of serving a god because the GOD of the bible puts it clearly this way:
a. 1 Corinthians 6:9 What! Do YOU not know that unrighteous persons will not inherit God's kingdom? Do not be misled. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men, 10 nor thieves, nor greedy persons, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit God's kingdom.
Thank you for listening to my thoughts,
Travis
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Dan, one of your best shows ever, even for a sports station. You could have gone with another breakdown of the upcoming Woofies draft, the Twins winning streak, Rubio's press conference, or Adrian Peterson being, well, Adrian Peterson, or other really important story. But, I think all of that has been covered at least 13, 14 times today, so kudos to you.
-----
One of the most compelling stories I've heard in ages. And yes, I am a Christian, Independent, straight guy, and native Minnesotan. A story many other need to hear.
Good job! Haight-Belvedere guy
Dan and Crew,
What a moving, powerful, and informative guest and talk. I commend you, Dan and the crew and station around you for having a story and topic of this nature on your show.
Your guest (forgetting her name) was a eloquent speaker and conversationalist and believe she did a wonderful job telling her story and informing us of her cause.
Thank you for the last hour.
Committed listener,
Katie
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Dan. Screw sports. Amazing, amazing hour of radio.
Thanks,
Bryan
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Dear Dan,
Thank you for your gentle handling of your guest during the "Sissy Boy"
segment of today's show. I have rarely heard someone with as important, yet
difficult a message to deliver.
Your patience in allowing Maris (sp) to express herself was admirable.
You did well today.
Skip (from Eveleth)
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Dan:
Great, great show. Great presence from your guest.
Thank her on behalf of all of us. We should all be so lucky as to have a family member who would represent us that way.
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Dan
It's really crazy how there is still legislated bigotry against gays in 2011. How is this even a debate about marriage/rights? How are "gay-corrective" clinics not shut down right now? They are child abuse with or without physical abuse.
Mike D
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Dear Dan,
Thank you so much for doing this story.
We were told by a pastor we had to help our gay son "change" or he would live a dark, sad life.
We were told it was a sin to be gay.
It is so important to expose these therapies!
-----
Dan,
The story your guest is telling is very interesting and sad that she lost her brother because of some quack. That being said, is it insensitive of me to think she sounds hot?
Dan in Ramsey
-----
Lots of tweets came in, too. My favorite came from @atnieland:
"@mepinmin .. thank you for your story! Very touching and opened my eyes to some of our world's problems and some of my own as well!"
Full Series of posts about Kirk Murphy and The Sissy Boy Experiment:
In Loving Memory of Kirk Andrew Murphy
The Life and Legacy of Kirk Andrew Murphy as Told by Box Turtle Bulletin and CNN
Kirk Andrew Murphy's Legacy - Day 2
The Legacy of the Pink Dress - Kirk Andrew Murphy's Story
Kirk Murphy's Story - Part 4 - Extended
I am My Brother's Keeper
You Are Who You Are
Happy Father's Day to Our Dad
Share the love. Share this post!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day To My Dad | Maris Ehlers Photography
"Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."
Elbert Hubbing
When my Dad died at the age of 59, it was only the third funeral I would have attended by then, and certainly the first one I would bear the responsibility of planning. At the age of 25, I was woefully unprepared. I hadn’t seen him for three years, mostly because I lived in the Midwest and he lived on the West Coast. Of course none of his burial wishes or thoughts were known, which was very intimidating. While no doubt he hadn’t expected to die so suddenly, he wouldn’t have thought about it anyway. Long term planning was really not his style. The only thing we were really sure of was that burying him in a suit was not the right way to go. In the end, we buried him in his favorite pair of blue jeans and his beloved Los Angeles Rams jersey. After all, you are who you are. Even in death.
Just a few short hours after learning he had passed away, the hospital in California called. His driver’s license had said “donor” on it and these were the first decisions to be made. I remember being completely overwhelmed by the conversation itself, but in the end seeing the blessing that would come of it.
When we got to California, one of the first mornings there we decided to clean out his personal effects. I was nervous thinking that there would be so many things to go through, and that it would be so difficult. It was difficult, but for reasons unexpected. His personal belongings (other than his extensive tools for his work as a concrete contractor and the usual wallet and paperwork), was a box in his closet. In it? A few pictures of us as a family before he and my mother divorced, various pictures of us three kids and his only grandchild at the time Casandra, cards that I had mailed him over the years, a large picture of his father who served under Sergeant York in World War II, and an autographed Rams football. That was it. It was like a punch in the gut.
Why did my dad have so little? In all honestly, he did his entire life, even during the times when by most standards he had a lot.
When I die, my children will have much to go through: momentos, memories, snippets of good days and bad, markers of both momentous occasions and every day life. Some of it will no doubt make them catch their breath and remember with absolute clarity a moment in time. Some pieces will have held a private significance to me or to my husband, but will be utterly meaningless to them. They will look at these things, and not understanding their value, will likely toss them aside, never to know the whole story. That's how it goes.
When I die, my children will have much to go through: momentos, memories, snippets of good days and bad, markers of both momentous occasions and every day life. Some of it will no doubt make them catch their breath and remember with absolute clarity a moment in time. Some pieces will have held a private significance to me or to my husband, but will be utterly meaningless to them. They will look at these things, and not understanding their value, will likely toss them aside, never to know the whole story. That's how it goes.
Much has been said about my dad in the past week, and on this day, Father’s Day, I will say this: Many have passed judgement with only knowing a small part of his role in this story, and without a lot of context (Box Turtle Bulletin provided quite a bit, but many people have yet to read it). And that’s okay. We don’t have enough time or energy to explain the rest. More importantly, he doesn’t need us to. I loved my Dad. A lot. I still do, and my brother feels the same. We miss all of him, flaws and all. His gentle smile, his easy laugh, and yes, even his complete inability to dig deep, to tell anyone what he REALLY thought or felt, and we grieve for the guilt and loss he carried his entire life and for what was done to him as well.
-----
Life rarely exists in straight lines, or in black and white. The older I get, the more I appreciate the curves and shades of gray that make up the shadows of the unknown. When we have the rare opportunity to shine a light on those shadows, to dig in the box of momentos, we find the imagery of our minds includes some colors as bright and vibrant today as they were so long ago, and others faded, cracked, and without much context left.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad. Thank you for being you. We now understand you in ways that we never could before, and for that opportunity, we are grateful.
 |
Mark, Kirk and Casandra the day after Dad's funeral |
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
"SO BE IT". You are who you are. No one should be allowed to force you to change. | Maris Ehlers Photography
When we were interviewed by Anderson Cooper on AC360, at one point he said something along the lines of, "Maris, some people are going to say that you are just a gay rights activist and dismiss you as such." I had to laugh out loud. Me, a married mother of two, chasing my own little dreams in my own little world, one picture at a time, one goodnight kiss at a time, considered a gay rights activist. It was kind of funny in an ironic sort of way. I am a sister, grieving the loss of my brother, and still reeling over the deception and horror of how he had been used for so many years by a group of self-righteous men who have created an industry full of fallacies, hurt and rejection in his name. I know my brother Mark feels the same way.
Now, I say, "So be it."
If I am provided more chances to tell our brother's story, to speak of the harm that these men have done, how he was abused by them well after his own death, and more tragically how other children are being harmed based on this "research", TODAY, then SO. BE. IT.
I guess I'll figure out how to be the best "married mother of two, marketing wonk, camera slinging, kid carpooling, Christian advocating equal rights for all" that I can figure out how to be.
You are who you are, as God intended you to be. No one should be allowed to force you to change.
-----
I'll post a video recap later of all of the segments, but someone started a petition online to have George Rekers' stripped of his "professor emeritus" status at UNC. Fitting, because his entire career was based on the fallacies of his "research" on Kirk. He didn't cure anybody of anything. Furthermore, he continued to do so well after he knew that Kirk revealed to the other leading doctor of the study at the age of 18 that he was both gay and had tried to commit suicide the year before. That was in 1987. Rekers has still been touting "Kraig" as the successful poster boy for conversion therapy until he was caught with a male escort that he had hired off of rentaboy.com in 2010. NARTH still does.
Now, I say, "So be it."
If I am provided more chances to tell our brother's story, to speak of the harm that these men have done, how he was abused by them well after his own death, and more tragically how other children are being harmed based on this "research", TODAY, then SO. BE. IT.
I guess I'll figure out how to be the best "married mother of two, marketing wonk, camera slinging, kid carpooling, Christian advocating equal rights for all" that I can figure out how to be.
You are who you are, as God intended you to be. No one should be allowed to force you to change.
-----
I'll post a video recap later of all of the segments, but someone started a petition online to have George Rekers' stripped of his "professor emeritus" status at UNC. Fitting, because his entire career was based on the fallacies of his "research" on Kirk. He didn't cure anybody of anything. Furthermore, he continued to do so well after he knew that Kirk revealed to the other leading doctor of the study at the age of 18 that he was both gay and had tried to commit suicide the year before. That was in 1987. Rekers has still been touting "Kraig" as the successful poster boy for conversion therapy until he was caught with a male escort that he had hired off of rentaboy.com in 2010. NARTH still does.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
I Am My Brother's Keeper | Maris Ehlers Photography
As they say, timing is everything. It's true. On top of this insanely crazy week, in which our brother Kirk Andrew Murphy's story went public on Box Turtle Bulletin and CNN, I had a session booked for a high school senior boy yesterday. His mom also wanted to capture a few shots of all three of her sons together as her oldest prepares to fly the nest after what will likely be the fastest year of their collective lives.
When they arrived yesterday, I was literally running on fumes. While it might have been a good day to postpone my shooting, it was a creative distraction and release that I desperately needed.
The mom came in with a black sharpie and a piece of paper with some sayings that they have used in their home while raising their three boys. She wanted to capture these sayings somehow in their imagery.
I will just say that I had a huge lump in my throat as she explained her vision and as we photographed it. If only the rest of the world could see the wonderful opportunity we have to truly be our brother's keeper. And by keeper I mean to stand up for and show respect. Our brothers by blood and as well as our brothers of the human race (sisters too, of course).
Timing is everything. This week comedian and actor Tracy Morgan is in the hot seat for some comments he made at one of his shows. I won't repeat it all here, but suffice it to say that he said if his son were gay he would "stab him" and that "gay kids who are bullied should stop whining about it".
I believe in free speech, but I can still be horrified by hate filled rants.
I am my brother's keeper. May Tracy Morgan and the world discover what that truly means.
When they arrived yesterday, I was literally running on fumes. While it might have been a good day to postpone my shooting, it was a creative distraction and release that I desperately needed.
The mom came in with a black sharpie and a piece of paper with some sayings that they have used in their home while raising their three boys. She wanted to capture these sayings somehow in their imagery.
I will just say that I had a huge lump in my throat as she explained her vision and as we photographed it. If only the rest of the world could see the wonderful opportunity we have to truly be our brother's keeper. And by keeper I mean to stand up for and show respect. Our brothers by blood and as well as our brothers of the human race (sisters too, of course).
Timing is everything. This week comedian and actor Tracy Morgan is in the hot seat for some comments he made at one of his shows. I won't repeat it all here, but suffice it to say that he said if his son were gay he would "stab him" and that "gay kids who are bullied should stop whining about it".
I believe in free speech, but I can still be horrified by hate filled rants.
I am my brother's keeper. May Tracy Morgan and the world discover what that truly means.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Kirk Murphy's Story Part 4 Extended on CNN | Maris Ehlers Photography
Just a quick note. For those of you who are interested, AC360 on CNN has added a 4th night of "The Sissyboy Experiment". It is unexpected, but great news! Even better is that Jim Burroway from Box Turtle Bulletin will be on the show to discuss things in more depth.
Thank you all for your support. We feel it!
UPDATE: If you watched CNN last night, you probably thought "Did I miss it?" No, you didn't. With the breaking news and videos out of Syria, it had to be pushed back. Understandably so. They are shooting for early next week (depending on breaking news).
Thank you all for your support. We feel it!
UPDATE: If you watched CNN last night, you probably thought "Did I miss it?" No, you didn't. With the breaking news and videos out of Syria, it had to be pushed back. Understandably so. They are shooting for early next week (depending on breaking news).
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Legacy of the Pink Dress Kirk Murphy's Story Day 3 | Maris Ehlers Photography
There was some confusion on a picture used in the promos etc. showing a child in a long pink dress. Some people made the incorrect assumption that it was Kirk in the pink dress (seriously, he would have had a laugh over that one), and sure enough a newspaper in the UK picked up the story and had that picture of him at the top of the article with an inaccurate comment about girls clothing. Really? A little fact checking would have been in order here.
Anyway, it was me in the dress. The reason why the picture was there in the first place was because Kirk GAVE me the dress, and it is one of my most treasured memories.
If you're interested, you can read about the legacy of the pink dress just by clicking this little link.
I still have the dress. It's now in my daughter's closet, ready for playing "dress up" whenever she's big enough to fit in it. Which, now that I think about it, might be tomorrow.
I hadn't read this eulogy since his funeral until Jim at Box Turtle Bulletin was asking if there were any. There are two other eulogies that also give you some insight into Kirk's life. One from his boss Frank, and one from his two very close friends, Debbie and Tim. They are still hard to read, but even then, in 2003, you can tell that nothing really added up and we didn't know what to do about it.
Regardless of how tragic, dark or sad a situation can be, there is always a silver lining. Sometimes we REALLY have to be patient and wait for it, but eventually we find it. Kirk's story is no exception. Today, we leave you with two that we have found.
Most people who lose someone to suicide are left with grief, memories and unanswered questions. We at least now understand more about Kirk, why it was so hard for him to let people get close to him and why he finally, at the age of 38, just gave up. While it doesn't bring closure, it does bring a sense of peace that we are thankful for.
If Kirk's story changes the way even ONE person thinks about how they treat someone they supposedly love unconditionally, and therefore makes the life of ONE person struggling because they don't "fit" in, then we are humbled beyond belief and this agonizing journey will be worth it.
As we wait for the last segment on AC360 to air tonight, I am reminded of one of my most favorite quotes.
Anyway, it was me in the dress. The reason why the picture was there in the first place was because Kirk GAVE me the dress, and it is one of my most treasured memories.
If you're interested, you can read about the legacy of the pink dress just by clicking this little link.
I still have the dress. It's now in my daughter's closet, ready for playing "dress up" whenever she's big enough to fit in it. Which, now that I think about it, might be tomorrow.
I hadn't read this eulogy since his funeral until Jim at Box Turtle Bulletin was asking if there were any. There are two other eulogies that also give you some insight into Kirk's life. One from his boss Frank, and one from his two very close friends, Debbie and Tim. They are still hard to read, but even then, in 2003, you can tell that nothing really added up and we didn't know what to do about it.
Regardless of how tragic, dark or sad a situation can be, there is always a silver lining. Sometimes we REALLY have to be patient and wait for it, but eventually we find it. Kirk's story is no exception. Today, we leave you with two that we have found.
Most people who lose someone to suicide are left with grief, memories and unanswered questions. We at least now understand more about Kirk, why it was so hard for him to let people get close to him and why he finally, at the age of 38, just gave up. While it doesn't bring closure, it does bring a sense of peace that we are thankful for.
If Kirk's story changes the way even ONE person thinks about how they treat someone they supposedly love unconditionally, and therefore makes the life of ONE person struggling because they don't "fit" in, then we are humbled beyond belief and this agonizing journey will be worth it.
As we wait for the last segment on AC360 to air tonight, I am reminded of one of my most favorite quotes.
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
-Winston Churchill
Dear God, let's hope so. Because this treatment of our children has to stop.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Kirk Andrew Murphy's Legacy Day 2 Thoughts on Box Turtle Bulletin, CNN et al | Maris Ehlers Photography
I'll be honest. It's been a crazy ride. I think our whole lives have been, but I'll stick to the last couple of days for now.
First of all, we are all so overwhelmed by the support and love to shown to us by family, friends, childhood mates and yes, even strangers. Many, many strangers! Totally overwhelming.
I do want to say that I stayed up until almost 3 a.m. reading every post, comment, tidbit and morsel I could find, on CNN, Box Turtle Bulletin, Twitter, Facebook, Google, Social Mention, and any other site or blog that mentioned it.
Why? For proof. Proof that this moment has really happened, to see in "real" time how Kirk's name, story and life has made so many people stop - if even for a moment - and think about other people around them who may be suffering because they are different... in any way.
Many of you have voiced your opinions, and we've heard them. We only ask that each of you who want others to have an open mind and heart keep yours open, too. Remember this story started decades ago at a time when not much was known about being different. While some of us may feel that society isn't as accepting today as it should be, think about what it would have been in the 1960's and early 70's.
---
The sad reality is that this therapy still happens today. Over 40 years later, in a world that should have such a different perspective, in a world that should be able to celebrate diversity, it happens and is often hidden. It damages children, adults, families, relationships and souls. It ends lives.
---
We have no idea what tonight's story brings, but we are ready. So many talented journalists, bloggers, producers, writers, editors, cameramen, crews and correspondents have come together to give Kirk a voice, and we are forever humbled and grateful.
Peace.
The original article about Kirk's Legacy and Our Promises is here.
You can also visit: CNN.com and Box Turtle Bulletin for more reports and videos.
The original article about Kirk's Legacy and Our Promises is here.
You can also visit: CNN.com and Box Turtle Bulletin for more reports and videos.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The Life and Legacy of Kirk Murphy As Told By Box Turtle Bulletin and CNN | Maris Ehlers Photography
Today is a big day. A very big day, indeed.
Some of you may know that in 2003, we lost our brother Kirk to suicide while he was living in India. I don't have to tell you how devastating that was and in fact, still is. While time does heal to a certain extent, the pain and unanswered questions are always there, and the "what if's" are endless.
Today, however, is a big day. It's also a very good day. It is about legacies and promises.
His legacy. Our promises.
His legacy will no longer be a life lived for someone else's beliefs and ambitions. His legacy will now be about teaching us to simply love one another as we are, as God made us. That is our promise to him. To help spread this message.
 |
| Kirk with brother Mark and niece. |
The first part of his legacy is being fulfilled today. So indeed, it is a big day. Today the truth about his life, what he went through, and his silent suffering for so very long will become known.
His story is a long and complicated one, but if you are interested, here are some links (they are growing and changing by the minute):
The long form of the story broke on a website called Box Turtle Bulletin late last night.
Anderson Cooper from CNN is doing a 3 part series beginning tonight on his show AC360. The show airs at 9:00 p.m. CT. Here is a link to their first story and video promotion.
Each of these stories profiles the anti-gay industry (those who profit from “therapy” alleged to “convert” gay individuals to heterosexual orientation) and its victims.
Kirk is considered a very high profile victim, as for more than three decades, his “conversion” was considered the industry’s documented success story.
Research conducted by others and only recently brought to our attention reveals that our family was betrayed in profound and deeply painful ways.
We are humbled and grateful that these two organizations are telling his story, and more importantly that we now have answers to so many questions we have had since we were children.
This news cycle will last a matter of days. For those of you who know us we hold dear the support and love you’ve shared with all of us, including Kirk if you knew him, our entire lives. When the dust settles, we hope that his story helps create change in our country. That we learn to appreciate others and to celebrate our diversity and recognize that we all deserve the same rights and freedoms. Regardless.
We ask for your prayers and support as this story is told by CNN and Box Turtle Bulletin with great integrity towards Kirk and our family and interpreted by viewers around the country.
It is not our desire to have a moment in the spotlight, and reliving moments from our childhood through the eyes of an adult and parent has not been easy, but we are certain that sharing this story fulfills Kirk’s legacy. His legacy. Our promises.
It is not our desire to have a moment in the spotlight, and reliving moments from our childhood through the eyes of an adult and parent has not been easy, but we are certain that sharing this story fulfills Kirk’s legacy. His legacy. Our promises.
Please share the love, share this story and watch the specials.
Peace.
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